I kind of wish it was me getting hurt

Last week I ended a relationship with a woman whom I started seeing about 1.5 months ago. She made it clear that she was not looking for a friends-with-benefits situation early on which is fine with me, and we both agreed to take things slow.

I don’t really know what to call what we did, pre-dated? Does the dating phrase have a prerequisite time period? Possibly another post on that later. We dated for a few weeks, and in that time I never noticed any developing feelings for her.

Not really sure why. While she and I share a lot of the same hobbies, I don’t think mutual interest in things is enough of a foundation for an emotional relationship. She had many qualities I did enjoy; she was affectionate, expressed her femininity, and was GGG, to name a few.

I think the largest factor in my lack of emotional development is a lack of sexual attraction for her. Is it common for people to be attracted to certain body types, or be turned off by others? Almost all of my relationships have been with petite partners, and this woman would best be described as voluptuous. That is one theory I have.

Another thing I’ve been bouncing around in my head is noticing my withdrawn/detached mindset. So many questions in my head .. is my subconscious sending me messages due to my sexual non-interest? Did my previous relationships put up some gnarly walls I can’t see? Do I want a full on relationship?

I want to say I felt sad breaking the news to her, but I felt more somber than anything else. I like her and care for her a lot, and it meant a lot to me to be able to say the right thing. There’s just no getting around that situation where one person gets hurt.

I kind of wish it was me getting hurt, because right now it’s hard for me to imagine what loving somebody enough to get hurt feels like. Maybe I’m way over-analyzing this and I just haven’t found somebody that truly draws in my soul. Unfortunately the sample size is far too small to come to any conclusion, and the only option is to continue putting myself out there.

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