Foreigner

I was lent (and then gifted) Foreigner’s Foreigner, Double Vision, and 4 albums on vinyl and spent the better parts of the past week listening to them.

My mom got me into classic rock starting when I was about 7, and they’ve been, by far, my favourite music group. In all those years, I never actually listened to the vocals. This is somewhat true for most music I enjoy, the melody and beat are generally what drive my interest.

It came as somewhat a shock when I actually heard what the group sing about; struggle, emotion, hope, and despair. Not all their songs of course, but the ones that really spoke to me had those as themes. I brought this realization up to my mom and she was like ‘oh, yeah’ as if the entire universe knew this but me.

I’m going to write about some of the songs that really stood out to me in these albums.

Waiting for a Girl Like You

This is one of the songs I want to define how I feel about my partner. Lou Gramm put so much emotion into the vocals, I’m wondering who or what hurt him so much that he can convey such a powerful and inspirational message. The song is extremely mentally energizing for a mid-tempo track. I realized I haven’t had this sort of vulnerability with my ex in a long time, if maybe ever.

Maybe we never established that kind of connection in the first place and were trying to make something work without a solid emotional foundation. I don’t know how to feel about that, is empty a feeling? I mean, learned what I want and do not want, but I also missed out on over 4 years of time I could have spent building a solid and loving relationship with somebody that actually cared about me. THAT right there hurts.

It’s not like I was forced to stay in an unhappy relationship. Life always came up every time something made me want to question continuing the relationship. She had a unfair job so maybe things will get better when she finds better work, or she doesn’t get paid enough to live comfortably, or she is depressed .. in my mind I didn’t want to leave because it would set her up for failure.

Urgent

I always thought this was a happy song you could play at a party, the up beat synth and sax usage were my favourite and I’d get a huge kick when blasting it in my car. It’s upsetting when I think about how much of this song applies to my previous relationship; we both had differing needs from each other and they were separated by some barrier.
I’m sad that I’m still not sure if that barrier was intentional or not, because talking to her about needs and emotions seemed to always push her further away.

Don’t Let Go

Man, this song makes me realize how unoriginal my situation was with my ex. I mean, I didn’t think I was the only one that’s ever gone through this.  Foreigner wrote an entire song about the exact situation from my point of view.

Maybe I was trying too hard to make something work that wasn’t meant to (see Waiting for a Girl Like You).

Cold As Ice

This song. I unintentionally played this song for my ex after we broke up (we continued cohabiting until she found a place). A random playlist of mine was on and I went to do a small task while we were doing out own things in the living room. I came back to her in tears, and her only words to me for that 30 minute period of time were “this song sucks” before she left to another room.

She later asked me if I intentionally played it. I didn’t, but I should have, this song and the one and “Don’t Let Go”, because they perfectly describe what we went through. Ironically, I’m feeling pretty empty and cold now as if the potential for the us vs the world relationship I always dreamed about with her was ripped away by insecurity and other barriers.

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